What's been on my heart lately...

Dear Lord,
Thank you for teaching me so much in the past couple of weeks while I have been at kamp. I still can't believe it has already been four months since me and Jessie split. It's good to know that you are here through everything. Every season of my life is different, but I am glad you are faithful and that you are always there. I'm thankful that you never leave me or give up on me. Also, I am thankful that you are always willing to wrap your arms around me and embrace me when I need you. And even when I don't think I need you or I try to convince myself I don't need you, you are always there.
But Lord, I am thankful that you have been a consistent in my life, no matter how inconsistent I am with you. But I am trying to get on a schedule.
Father I thank you for who you are, and for your word to be able to teach me who I am supposed to be. I know that I may mess things up, but I am learning. Learning to trust that your plan is better than mine. That one day you are going to bring an amazing MOG in my life. One that treats me like I am supposed to be treated. That respects me, and someone that brings the best out in me. Someone who is going to be a spiritual leader in my life and my family's life. Father, you are going to bring someone amazing into my life. But I know as of right now, you want to romance me like no one else ever could. You want me to fall so deeply in love with you, that there is only room for you.
Father, teach me to do your will. Help me to bring you my problems first before I speak to others about them. Because sometimes i just need to talk to you about them. Help me focus solely on you because you are all I need. Everything I do is to bring you glory. I want everything I do to be reflected back to you. I want every step I take to be one step closer to you. I want to always be in fingertip distance from you. Even when I don't feel like I'm being a Christian, I will push forth in this race I am running for you. I understand that I may not always feel you, but you are always there waiting for me to just turn to you. Waiting for me to just come to you with open arms and an open heart and to just be real with you. To be open and be truthful, because you already know what's going on, without me even telling you.
I want my excitement about you Lord to stay constant. I am learning a lot of new things about you and about myself every day. And it's definitely been an adventure. You are definitely pushing me outside of my box to meet new people and to have real honest relationships with them. And to connect with them on a deeper level. To allow them to be spiritual role models in my life. For them to be a spiritual backbone for me.
Father, everything I am searching for is what you have waiting for me. Just help me be completely satisfied in you. That's all I need right now. You are all I need. You are all I want. I don't want to be afraid to run to you. To just curl up in your lap and be solely rested in you. I need to learn to trust in you and you alone, for you know the plans for my life.
I also need to learn to take my thoughts, feeling, and emotions captive. I also need to learn to guard my heart. And to not think into things too much. It only leads to a broken heart. Feelings being crushed. Things being ripped apart again. And honestly I can't deal with that again. Maybe I'm just meant to be single. Maybe there is more to life than being in a relationship. I can't stand the thought of my heart being broken into a thousand pieces again and not knowing where to go again, or where to run. Or how to even fix the problem. Father, this is just a little of what's been on my heart lately.


So, I wrote this a few nights ago. I have been journaling every night since I've been at kamp, and honestly, it's probably the best way to keep everything in line in my life. I just need the few of you who will read this to keep me in your prayers. :)

I love you all! God Bless.

Love God. Love People.