Monday Morning Learning.

I was riding to work with my mom, and we got on the subject of me being in a relationship. I’ve always been slightly concerned about who I was going to fall in love with, or when I would meet the person I would marry. I watched a close friend of mine get married this past weekend, and it had me thinking. I know I am no where near ready to settle down and be married, but with all my friends starting to get married it constantly crosses my mind.

But what stumped me this morning was my mom asking me what I was looking for. And I have standards, I do, and I won’t settle for less than I deserve. But I need to be honest with myself. I don’t really know what I am looking for. And I’m okay with that. I will figure it out before it actually matters. I mean, I will be 22 in June, but I’m really not stressing about being in a relationship. If it happens, fine. If it doesn’t, that’s fine too.

But honestly, I am way to focused on school to be caught in something else that I have to make time for. I have two jobs and I’m a full time student. I think I am more than busy enough with that, then trying to add another human being, that requires a lot of time in that equation. Slowly, I am starting to put all of the pieces together.

And as of now, I haven’t been as happy as I am now, in a long time. I am fully accepting myself as I am, and everything else, will fall into place as I figure things out.

I've been in the mood to blog lately. It's weird.

Hello you beautiful people! As I sit here and try to figure out what to say about myself, I stumble. I am never really sure what to say about myself. I am an artist. It is easier for me to show you, than it is for me to tell you. I want my art to reveal me. It's a part of who I am. Don't ask me what I am going to do after college. Yes, that's right, I still have no idea. I am keeping options open, and I am taking it one day at a time. I don't care about making lots of money, I care about being happy, and living a life of purpose. I believe that everyone has a purpose, and that no one, and I mean no one, is a lost cause. As I lay here, a senior in college, I am super contemplative about the things I have been through, the friends I have made, and what an amazing, and somewhat indescribable journey it has been. But I guess that is a part of life. It can been written about, and caught on camera, but to truly understand it, you must go on your own journey through it. I've learned that no matter how many times you get told something is wrong, sometimes you just have to learn on your own. I've learned that good friends and good friends always go fantastic together. I believe that the people that I have been friends with have all influenced me, in some way or another. They have made me who I am today, and I wouldn't trade that for the world. They have taught me things about myself I would've never learned on my own. I have also learned that I really should listen to my mom and dad more often; they are usually always right. Anyways, that's just a little piece of my heart, and the rest you will just have to find out on your own. <3

Done, Done, Done.

I'm done trying. Trying to be something I'm not. Trying to please other people. Trying to be the person everyone accepts. It isn't supposed to be like this. I am supposed to be happy. Happy with myself. Happy with my life. Happy with my friends. The truth is we all fail. I fail. You fail. We all fail. I've let people down. I've hurt people. I've done things I regret. But those things all made me who I am now. Now I'm stronger. Now I'm learning. Now I'm growing. I choose to be optimistic. I choose to be happy with where I am in life. I choose to accept change. I choose to embrace who I am. Also, I choose not to care what others think. I've spent enough time doing that, and now I'm done. You can either take it or leave it. I'm done.

Two Nights Ago.

I pretty much had a post-semester breakdown, which is odd, because I didn’t have one during the semester. I started re-gauging my ears again, and apparently certain people have issues about what I do with my life. And it’s people I thought loved me. But apparently I was wrong again. I’m tired of the judgement. It’s my life, what I do to my body does not make me a bad person. You don’t know me, don’t tell me that you miss the person I was, when you don’t know the person I am now. You haven’t spoken to me in nine months, just because someone dies, doesn’t mean you should be concerned with sending me your opinions on things, or better yet, telling me that I should think about things that I am doing. Last time I checked, it WASN’T your concern.

And yes, I know I am taking this crap out on my blog. But you don’t have to read it. I just needed to vent. Crap like this annoys the hell out of me. Number one, you don’t know me. Number two, you still don’t know me. So can you back off please. And I know I have issues, but I'm working on them.

But change of pace: I located a memory card that I thought I lost that was full of pictures. Tomorrow night I get to see Mutemath for the first time, along with Royal Teeth. And I am super pumped about that. On thursday, one of my favorite people is driving two hours to come see me! Friday, I am spending the entire day with Rachel in NOLA, and we get to celebrate ULL making their first Bowl Game appearance in 41 years. Saturday morning, two of my best friends graduate college, which I am super stoked for, and I am so proud of them both. After graduation, Rachel and I will be back in NOLA for the Bowl Game. So excited for this wonderful week! And it’s definitely the good week I needed, after this semester of hell.

I fail at blogging. It's official. Our relationship has been having issues for quite some time now. I think I created my blog roughly two years ago. It's so hard for me to just commit to it. I guess I really don't have much to say. Or maybe I do but I just don't say it. I think I get that trait from my dad. Maybe I hold in the important things, and let out the things that really don't mean too much to me. What I want to say I don't, and what I shouldn't say I do. Ahh well life goes on.

2 More days of FINALS. Holy moly, I can't WAIT.

That's all, bye guys. Have a great day!! :)

Perfect time to blog.

As I sit in my Introduction to Film class. I turn my head to the right and see someone nodding off, and I look to my left and see people sleeping. We are watching a John Wayne movie, I don't even know the name of. I guess it doesn't really surprise me. But as I don't pay attention I might as well blog away.

I guess I have really been thinking of God on a completely different level. I can't seem to wrap my mind around His faithfulness, but I guess that is part of the mystery of Him. I have really been trying to change the way I look at things going on in my life. Especially when I feel like I can't handle them, but I calmly tell myself that the Lord is much bigger than my situation. No matter what's going on, I know that I need not dwell on it, because it is happening or happened for a reason. Either it's not the right timing, or not the right motivation. I sincerely want to be close to the Lord at all times. I want to be covered in His grace. And I want that for everyone I come in contact with.

I've also been trying to put less garbage in my life, and more things of the Lord. Less time caught up thinking about the future, and less time thinking about what happens next. More time thinking about how I can serve right now, and how to see the glass half full instead of half empty. I am trying to completely focus on the Lord's faithfulness, no matter what's going on. And I am starting to realize that the Lord is teaching me full dependency on Him. Something I always knew about, but I guess it was never applied. But I realized that it is being applied now. And it's definitely given me peace about a few things. The Lord is good.

A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all. Psalm 34:19.

This is what the LORD says:

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the LORD.
He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one lives.

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:5-8.

Love Him. Trust Him. Follow Him. Serve Him.

What I really need to do...

Is start blogging more....Maybe after this crazy week is over. Lord give me strength to make it through the week.